Saturday, December 24, 2005

the girl in the video store did warn me this was bad: Haan Maine Bhi Pyaar Kiya

This is a movie I wish I had watched with someone so we could giggle together at its ridiculousness. But alas. So I decided to write this post as though you were watching the movie with me, and what follows is a list I made as the movie went on of whatever I thought (it was clear from the get-go that I was not going to be able to remember everything I wanted to point out, so I kept a list). Be warned - I did tend to make liberal and justified use of the FF, so if you've seen this, you will know I didn't watch everything.

[Ready? Go!]

"Eh Shahrukh!" Methinks this movie will be worse than Josh.

How to start a relationship off right: she lies to him in order to get a job he wants; after she gets the job, she continues the lie, telling him she can get him a job. When he finally gets a job (better than hers, please note) and finds out the truth, he calls her in the office and yells at her; after she apologizes and says she'll accept any punishment he gives her, he proposes, and she accepts. Her stares at her happily. She stares at him happily and laughs - except the violins are swooping around so much that you can only guess she is laughing based on her moving her shoulders and head forward with her smiling mouth open, the way you would if you were imitating an upper-crust fake laugh. Repeat four more times for a total of ten looks. Kya?!?

Can't trust a single girl on a ferris wheel. No way, no day.

"What does every Indian dream of? Destination Switzerland!"

Fantastic twist on my favorite Bollywood prop staple, the college dance competition sign. Here, the memory of an intercollegiate dance competition spurs people on to fireside antics that end in an affair. Just imagine the signs (and we'll have to, as there aren't any)!

Go Karisma crazy stare! Go! Burst them into flames! Oooh, divorce. That's even better. DIVORCE in big red letters! Aaaaaaaand scene!

Oh, silly woman in the clothing store, you are quite right to wonder why one actor needs so many costumes just for one song. Oh! Ha ha ha! You are making an in-joke about the industry! You are so clever!

"Bombarding on the potty" is a funny phrase.

Oh, it's Shakti Kapoor. I knew I knew him from something(s). And Kader Khan. Sweet.

"I love work!" is an excellent motivational poster. It just needs a breathtaking nature scene above the slogan.

Having a fourth-generation Kapoor work as a secretary to a movie star is also a funny in-joke about the industry. Well done!

Pooja, put down that white purse. It is hideous.

Karisma, this is likely not your fault, but your eyeliner is broader than your eyebrows. Rather the wrong proportion, what say?

Ah, Switzerland. A fuller version of another industry joke. "The dream of every Indian.... We could have gone anywhere in the world, but I believe that Switzerland is very lucky for married couples. It's just great for those in love. From what I'm told, it's a place which give you memories for a lifetime should you spend a few minutes there with your beloved." I'm all for Bollywood making fun of itself, but this isn't working. It's mired in goo.

Oh Akshay. You're dreamy. But you're no Akshaye.

This is at least the third Karisma crazy stare so far.

The manager's name is the same as your ex's? Woah! How unlikely in a country of over a billion people!

Another cool Bollywood prop staple: the picture/portrait of self as home decor, in this case an oversized poster. But he's a movie star, so that's fitting. But it's not a movie poster. It's just a head shot.

Dude. You slept with someone else (and not so that you could fulfill your grandfather's and your unable-to-have-children wife's wishes for a child of your own). You don't get to be sad about her marrying someone. Cheatah cheatah cheatah!

Marigold garlands are quite lovely. I don't have enough sun in my yard to grown any, though. Pity.

No, Abhishek, I'm pretty sure a man getting his wife married to someone else has happened before, perhaps even in a movie. It's not exactly KKHH, but don't play dumb.

Dramatic music with chord changes! What signify this sound and fury?

Four crazy stares. Mwa-ah-ah!

Signatures on paper may not break relationships, but I can see how cheating would. Why doesn't anyone get this?

The marriage so nice, they had it twice? No, that doesn't quite work.

Oh, a baby! That always brings people together in a permanent and loving way.

7 comments:

ads said...

Speaking of self-portraits as home decor, I finally watched Hum Aapke Hain Kaun (and didn't really get what all the fuss was about, to be honest), and it includes some really nice soft-focus glamour shots of Madhuri Dixit eating ice cream with her tongue sticking out. There was also a gigantic painting of a sandwich hanging over her bed that I thought was pretty cool.

Beth said...

That is genius! V glad to know of this incident, especially since HAHK is inexplicably such a big freakin' deal. And you are right to point out the glamour shotness of the pictiures - that happens often. I believe there are some of Rani in Mujhse Dosti Karoge.

Hey I got KMG for Christmas and finally go to see the horrible, horrible shirt on that guy! IT is horrible! I will try to get a still and post it to the bad fashion survey - which you are the only preson to respond to, but that's fine, because you and I are right about everything.

Obi Wan said...

All you non-believers should get in touch with my boss- he's seen Hum Aapke Hain Koun 80 times(if not more)!!!

DanceScape said...
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Accidental Fame Junkie said...

Beth: Totally laughed through this post! Excellent take!


Obi Wan: Your boss is M.F Husain?

Obi Wan said...

Fortunately not, AFJ. He's just a film-crazy media professional who passionately believes that HAHK is the greatest Indian movie ever made!

Beth said...

I really did want to like HAHK. But it mystifies me. When I watched it, I had to pause about half an hour in and go look it up because I was so confused by the whole thing, and that's when I read about how popular it is. So much for research!