Friday, December 07, 2007

What happens in blue fake-pretend Russian Indian Venice stays in blue fake-pretend Russian Indian Venice: Saawariya

You...me...tonight...never happened. We don't know each other.

I'm not your type anyway. I need someone who makes me laugh, makes me think, makes me have an emotion other than staring wide-eyed and running in slow motion. You're too young for me, immature, too focused on appearances. You're full of tears and sacrifice, giddy dancing, content-free tittering. You suck all the joy and substance out of everything. You seem to want to save women with the jaunty flip of your hat (or dangle them off of high buildings or push them around), and that doesn't cut it with me.

Besides, your insistence on mooning over completely inappropriate people just makes me want to sit you down, mother-hen-like, and help you find someone more suitable - someone who likes forced, unsubstantiated romances and communicates via puppy-dog eyes.

But you've got some moves. And my stars, you're so beautiful. While we were together, I couldn't think about anything else. Sigh.

But I need more. It just isn't right.

12 comments:

Nancy said...

This movie was an unfortunate experience for me, too. I did, however, enjoy seeing Salman Khan appearing as Aamir Khan...or was it Aamir Khan appearing as Salman Khan.

Who knew I would dig guys who wear eyeliner and gold hoop earrings?

Pri said...

bwahahahahaha. that movie has caused all kinds of strange emotional reactions. many people are yet to recover. i was getting there. almost. then i read this. and like that horrid celine dion song says 'it's all coming back to me now'

Silent Melody said...

Hey Beth, spent a large part of my Saturday afternoon going through your archives, and yay read all the reviews you have written. Though I was surprised by a few things like your inexplicable love for "Main Prem ki Deewani Hoon" :-) but loved your reviews and loved your love for Bollywood;

Will be around...

Beth said...

Nancy - Oooh, it was a bit of Khan-implosion in that character! I did not dig that character at all - partly because it was Salman (not the character's fault and I should just put that aside, but still), but mostly because he was a broody, moody, uncommunicative weirdo who skipped town with no explanation. I've got no patience for that. Then again, not like there was a good choice for one's romantic daydreams in that film. Everyone was annoying.

Pri - yeah, stay away. It's so painfully pretty to look at, but otherwise it's just weird and unsatisfying. And Ranbir is way spazzy - I think he was trying to be Hrithik.

SM - wow, that's such a nice compliment :) Thank you thank you, and I hope I live up to it! And yes, I have an inexplicable soft spot for Kareena and her crazy screeching. It's not a blind spot, fortunately, because I hate K3G, but there's something about MPKDH and Khushi that I just luuuurve. Someday maybe I can explain why I love Khushi, but I doubt it. I still need to see the Tamil original with Jyothika.

Blue said...

I had to make myself believe that we were seeing the Salman character through Raj's eyes.

It was the only way I could explain the gratuitous "villain" music, etc.

Pessimisissimo said...

Hilarious and brilliant post--and I haven't even seen the movie! And now, I don't have to...

Shakila said...

hahaha - perfect encapsulation of all that is oh so wrong with saawariya beth. keep up the awesome reviews!

Beth said...

blue - that'd work. Good strategy.

Pessimissimo - fanks! And stay away. You have better things to do. Just look at the stills - that's the best part anyway. Oh, and the Eid song, I liked that.

Shakila - thank you! Sometimes shorter is better :)

India Design Journal said...

Brilliantly put.. and you already know what I think of it.. BTW is this something you have done so that only google users can comment? I am blindfolded at wordpress..

please open this world to us wordpressers as well?..
(pls superimpose the above line with images of me with puppy eyes and wagging tail....) pls pls

Beth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bollywood said...

Love your blog! Can't believe someone, non-Indian or even otherwise, is so fanatical about Bollywood. I love the movies, but more so the fashion :)
http://bollywoodfashionpolice.blogspot.com/

Beth said...

isj - your question prompted me to do some investigating, and now "registered users" (including openID) can post. I don't know what that means, exactly, but I hope it helps you out.

bollywood - thanks! And your blog is fun too :)